the secret of self-sabotage and how to avoid it

Last night I watched Brittany Runs a Marathon. I wasn’t sure how much or if I would appreciate the gut-wrenching story of a woman who overcame personal insecurity through exercise. I have experienced the benefits of exercise as a way to defuse a variety of health issues, and I am overwhelmingly surprised by the emotional impact of Brittany’s crossing the finish line.

I’ve spent the entire weekend nursing a sinus infection, and unfortunately, the triggered migraine it came with. It’s been months since my last and in its absence, I’d forgotten how debilitating they can be. The pressure-induced headache, its intensity on my neck, the inability to do much of anything except sleep. I‌ had my fill of rest and relaxation over Christmas break, or so I thought.

The irony, of course, is that I was boasting the day before my flight about how I‌ had nipped the migraine cycle with acupuncture. This weekend it knocked me off my feet and I had to rely on infrared sauna, CBD and essential oils to manage the pain. I‌ opted for Eastern medicine practices rather than over-the-counter medication mostly because I‌ couldn’t stand to be outside absorbing the smells and the sounds of the city; the closest pharmacy was too far away. It may seem odd to the able-minded but when you’re in a migraine fugue, the prospect of ambient sounds, and yes even voices, elicit a different kind of torture worse than an earworm.

The mental entrapment, for as long as it lasts is unforgiving. When it reaches its peak, the best release is in a wave of burning tears. Sometimes a good cry is what you need to reset, and Brittany’s achievement and reconciliation of self turned out to be just that. It was also a reminder of sorts.

During my week away I indulged my cravings for sweet and savory, for sleeping in and laying about watching movies and playing board games. I‌ cast my 3-5x weekly yoga schedule aside, and in doing so tripped myself up physically and mentally. The red-eye flight may have been the final straw but my laziness was self-sabotage at its worst.  

This morning I could feel my energy slowly replenishing, the headache retreating and with it the aches and pain. My hunger returned as well and with it a resolve to take better care of myself no matter where I might lay my weary head.

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