for all intent purposes, I should be asleep.
its half-past one on Thursday morning,
the third to last day of the month:
an early morning meeting 8 hours away.
and this day of days is not over yet.
Tigger has not eaten; nor drank water; choosing to rest, sleep.
he is my monster 6 lbs lighter than he has ever been,
he stands for a moment only to resign once more lying over the cool wood saddle.
I wish I could sleep but I can’t.
My mind is roaming, restless with worry, anticipation, fear, loss.
the internet brings comfort, information–although almost too much.
a lady in waiting knows none of God’s creatures, man or beast lives forever and yet hopes for a reprieve, this longing is bittersweet.
selfishly i don’t want him to leave me, selflessly I don’t want him to be in pain.
i want him to live and die peacefully.
if he is incurable, I wish for him to cross-over into his spirit journey seamlessly.
Death is the 2nd most popular fear for most people
and maybe this is life’s way of confronting my own issues with death and dying.
There are few of us who would not fight to live
but what if we lost the will along the way?
funny play on words: you need the will (v.) to live and a will (n.) to die
If you will it will it come?
Tigger has been my sole confidant for the last 15 years, my rock during the most emotional of times, and an amusement every moment in between.
Tigger is and will always be the light in my heart.
Tigger lives there.